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💭 Work Focus

2023.10.12

I used to be incredibly dedicate to my work, probably to an unhealthy level. I would have described myself as a workaholic.

I no longer have that drive, and I struggle to care about work most days. It's not that I don't enjoy doing the kind of work I do. I still enjoy coding, even for a company, but I just cannot focus like I used to.

I constantly find myself sitting there, a million things to do, and I just want to draw. Sometimes I do when I'm working from home. I just draw things and ignore my responsibilities. I feel like I am constantly drawn to making art, and no matter how often I dedicate time or take time for it, I still want to make more.

This almost feels like my own mind telling me "Hey, this isn't fun anymore, this other thing is, why aren't we doing that?". But it's not that simple. I can't simply quit being a software engineer and pursue art. When I think of that, I have a lot of reasons or excuses:

So what do I do with this?

I don't know that I ever want to quit my software engineering job to become a full time artist. It feels like that just isn't possible. That being said, if I somehow get to the point where that is a viable option, I would probably take it. That itself is an indicator to me that I should be putting in the effort to get there. I can't ever make it happen if I don't try. All that could happen is it doesn't work, and I continue doing what I'm doing, continue making art for the sake of making art, and everything is fine. I should just try.

I previously wrote about how I don't want to use Instagram, don't want to build a following, and I just want to make art for the sake of making art. This goes entirely against that view, but I'm constantly being drawn to it, and not finding drawing things and leaving them in my sketchbook for nobody to see fulfilling. I don't necessarily need the "likes", but posting it somewhere like IG tends to motivate me to dedicate more time to art, and it could eventually become something more if I keep at it. Or it won't, who knows. I can't know until I do it and see what happens.

I have been listening to The SneakyArt Podcast, and listening to others talk about building up their community, challenging themselves with art, and just making things and enjoying the process really speaks to me. Seeing my favorite accounts on Instagram share things without fear of failure is inspiring. I could do this. I want to do this.

I also realized something while listening to Episode 12 with Sarah Nisbett. She was talking about how inspiring others to create art gives her a feeling of "I've done it. That's all I needed to succeed". I hadn't considered this, but if I was inspiring others to dive into an art practice, I'd also feel very happy and like I've done something worthwhile in sharing my art online. That also lead me to thinking about how I would probably enjoy teaching others to make art. When I say or think that, I immediately dive into the feeling that I am not good enough to be qualified for that, but I also find it very appealing and would probably love it if I could do that.

If I go into this with these goals, I feel like I'll be a lot more successful than previous attempts where my goals were to build a following and sell art:

To achieve this, I would first simply start drawing as often as I can, and share as much as I can, to organically build a following. As an outcome of this, I should find my artistic voice, and hopefully start inspiring others to create art. Once I have cemented a practice and a following, I can explore what it looks like to teach others. Whether that is creating online classes (Skillshare, Domestika, A custom built site) and/or teaching local in-person classes. That still feels terrifying, and I feel wildly unqualified, but if I can build my confidence, this could become a possibility.

The only unfortunate piece of this, is pretty much the only way to build a following from nothing in the art world is to use Instagram, which means playing by their algorithmic rules. I would need to get comfortable creating reels to reach new people. This is something I'm sure I can do, I just need to try.

Post 012/100 of #100DaysToOffload

👋 Hey! Thanks for reading! If you have any comments or questions about this post, or anything else, I'd love to chat! You can find the best way to contact me on my hello page or send me an email.